Don't Build Dreams & Lose Your Husband
Updated: Oct 10, 2022
...it's yet another week without a date night. Another football game he watches alone, another excited conversation he wants to have while my eyes are glued to my laptop.
It is a deep desire of mine to have financial freedom. I have mentioned several times on the Spiced Wife podcast that I will be buying my forever home in cash one day, and I know without an inch of doubt that I will. My faith on that is not an issue for me... the process of getting there, is.
“In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.” - 1 Corinthians 7:34, NLT
My mind is always spinning, my clock is always flying, ideas seem to be endless when I lay down to sleep. I get a high from building and creating and I don't want to miss out on my dreams for laziness and hopelessness. I want to serve wives and be front row to their lives and marriages being transformed. I want to keep giving the absolute best to every wife I work with. I refuse to be another guru that sees people as numbers instead of people who matter to God and need true authentic personal intervention.
I will be these things, and I will do these things.... but what about my husband during all of this achieving?
Hours go buy, days come and go unapologetically, and it's yet another week without a date night. Another football game he watches alone, another excited conversation he wants to have while my eyes are glued to my laptop. Another 24-hour cycle of him being so patient and wanting to give me time to build because he loves to see me happy and wants to support my gifts and purpose... while I put him last.
Then there are times when his concerns make an appearance. He has gone too long without my help, without my feedback, without my undivided attention, and enough is enough. These statements register as noise however they are signals. God is warning me, God is helping me through them.
Yet, I put them on the "to do" shelf and proceed with the nerve to complain about his cups piling up on the nightstand or his constant question of "what's for dinner?" .... the nerve of me..... The strength of my flesh must die.
In the silence of my routine 5am victory hour, God was very clear on one thing:
"Don't build what helps, while losing what matters"
It is the purpose of every wife to help her husband, bring good to his life, and think about how to please him (Gen 2:18, Prv 31:12, 1 Cor. 7:34). If I don't want to follow the duty statement, I should have never accepted the job.
While I love helping wives transform themselves and have been truly gifted in doing it. I have to be willing to let it all go. I have to stop being so available. I have to stop responding so instantly to the numerous DMs, emails, comments, and calls. I have to stop giving myself freely, I have to stop letting my dreams turn me into prisoner. My time/gifts should never be on instant demand to anyone but my husband, and I must be ok with setting boundaries.
I have to spend more focus on my husband and let God do what He wants with my life on His terms. Really, the truth of the matter is my dreams won't ever come if my husband doesn't feel he is more important than them. I am wasting my time. The hustle is a scam. If I obey Gods order and design, everything that is mine will come to me. Every blessing that I have seen and opportunity that I have had come all on its own.
If I make the main thing, the main thing I will have all the things... and so will you, go-getter wife. So will you!
Here is How I Am Fixing This
I am letting go and trusting God. Whatever happens is what He allows, not by what I cram into every minute of the day. I heard a quote by Courtney Sanders that says, "Walk by faith, not by force"
I am setting 3-4 hours of work time and no more. I will continue my 5am wellness strategy. Then, as long as everyone is still sleep, I will complete what I can in those 3 hours. Once my husband is up, I will focus on following his lead. I'll only do extra work when he does work, but not if there are things around the house, I can do to make our life flow better. I will even privately document my efforts to see what works, what helps, and what needs to change.
I will do less to achieve more. I will rest more intentionally. Turn off my phone for random pockets of disconnect each day. Give my all to enjoying conversations.
I will manage my dreams/business and not let my dreams/business manage me. It's time to tell my time what to do and set healthy boundaries without fear. My programs will run quarterly allowing me to give quality over anything else so that my clients receive the upmost transformation, while my home also thrives and pleases God.
I will give moments of undivided attention. By 'moments' I mean, when my husband may need me while I am doing something I will not be more married to what I am doing that I cannot pause completely to give my full engagement and eye contact for that moment. Sometimes as a busy wife my flesh will make me feel FOMO if I don't finish everything in that one moment. But that is a lie of the flesh. I (and you) absolutely can afford moments to pause and make our man feel first.
This is just a start, but I have already been putting these in place, along with other tools I am testing out and.... it's working!!!
If you are like me and desperate to get better inwardly so that you can live in all of Gods abundance outwardly, let's stay in touch! Let's stay spiced together. Subscribe to the email list below and get the updates on how it's all going!
Share in the comments your fixes for busyness!
BONUS: Podcast episode 180 "How to Enjoy Sex More"